A COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE PROCESS EXPLAINED
a collaborative divorce process explained
Divorce is typically a very confusing time. Most people have not been divorced before and don't know what to expect and are scared. Mothers who do not work outside the house are typically concerned if they can keep the house and wonder if they will have to get a job? A husband often wonders if they can afford to pay alimony, child support and still have funds left over so they are not living in a cardboard box. We have all heard stories about negative experiences with divorce and these stories fuel fears.
But, divorce does not have to be a negative or scary experience that scars us or our children for life. The tone of a divorce always starts with the spouses and their goals. If their goal to end the relationship in a process that respects each other and is kind to the family, the divorce process can achieve these goals.
It is important to remember that both spouses have different fears and the fears of both spouses need to be addressed so tensions can subside. Both spouses also need to fully understand the financial and tax issues of settlement options so they can make smart choices to secure their financial future. Once both spouses feel heard, feel safe and understand the financial issues, the divorce process becomes calm.
A collaborative divorce starts with the spouses agreeing to collaborate together to ensure the divorce is accomplished in a process that is fair to both. Do the spouses each want their own attorney or is a neutral mediator preferred? It is difficult for a divorce process with two attorneys to be collaborative because the attorneys are trained to fight. Some attorneys take a few classes to be trained in a collaborative divorce process. If they are a successful collaborative divorce attorney, and have been practicing for years, they should have a long list of past clients who have provided client testimonials or, can talk with you on the phone to provide information on their experience with the attorney. If the attorneys cannot provide many, many testimonials or, Google 5-star reviews, you have to question their success rate. Is their listing as a collaborative divorce attorney just a marketing ploy?
Finding the right professional(s) to help a divorcing couple takes time to meet with and interview different professionals. Sadly, most divorcing spouses meet with one person (typically and attorney) and hire that person without interviewing divorce financial mediators.
If you were going to put an addition on your house, you would likely meet with a few contractors and get estimates for the work to be completed. But, divorce is emotional and it is understandable that those divorcing just want to get it over and don't interview a few professionals. This is a common mistake.
If you are considering divorce, I suggest you and your spouse collaborate and discuss what kind of process you both want and what is important to both of you. Is understanding the financial /tax issues important? Is keeping the children in the house important? Is the ability to successfully co-parent after the divorce important? Then, interviewing divorce financial mediators is a solid next step because you have to understand the financial issues to understand your options. Knowledge of your options will decrease stress. Spouses that collaborate have a calmer divorce and a better end result in a shorter time frame. Spouses that collaborate will also spend less on professional fees.